


When I think about you (I touch myself)

by zation



Series: SPN Kink Bingo 2018 [22]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cas was allowed to stay in the bunker OKAY?, Dean is great at denying his feelings, Fallen Cas, Gratuitous Smut, Human Castiel in the Bunker, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Season 9, Supernatural Kink Bingo 2018, Top/bottom is up for interpretation, absolutely smashing, casturbation, they don't actually touch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 08:18:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: Becoming a full-fledged human comes with a lot of new challenges for Cas. Boners, for one.Or,The one where Dean can’t leave well enough alone and where Cas kind of doesn’t want him to.





	When I think about you (I touch myself)

**Author's Note:**

> I’m taking creative liberties and stating that Dean didn’t throw Cas out like yesterday’s garbage in episode 9.03 _I’m not Angel_ , placing this sometime after they’ve taken him back to the bunker :)  
> Title is of course from Divinyls’ [I touch myself](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wv-34w8kGPM) :D
> 
>  
> 
> **Square filled: Fallen Cas**

 

It was still weird as fuck having Cas back but in human form, even after a week of living with the dude. Then again, Sam was still possessed by Ezekiel, being restored and though Cas had proclaimed the angel an old war buddy of his (and Ezekiel had confirmed this as well to Dean), the angel had yet to even say hi to Cas. Couple that with Kevin doddering about the bunker with the damn tablet in front of his face, muttering translations to himself and “weird” was going ‘round the bunker by leaps and bounds nowadays…

Anyway, the point was that Dean was much more _aware_ of Cas now, probably because the guy had to do things like eat and sleep and stuff. Also, Dean was playing nurse by effectively having placed both Sam and Cas on the bench for now and though he liked taking care of his best friend and little brother (though he wouldn’t say that out loud, don’t get your panties in a twist) it still made him aware of both men’s needs.

So yeah, there was nothing wrong or strange for him to be stalking around the bunker, even though Kevin more than once jumped out of his skin when he rounded a corner only to find Dean skulking in the shadows.

Actually, scratch that because Dean didn’t _skulk_. Perhaps he lingered but that was only because he wanted to make sure that he hadn’t heard someone call out for him. Like now, for instance.

Just as he had passed by the room they had let Cas pick to decorate after his liking (he had _horrible_ taste, who the fuck used orange rugs?) he had heard a sound that had maybe been his name. Only, he wasn’t sure and now he was worried that it had been a sound born from pain. It had sounded kind of pain-ridden, maybe.

He walked up to the door only to find that it hadn’t been closed properly, which was probably why he had heard anything to begin with. The doors were pretty soundproof in general (as long as you didn’t scream, which all the men currently inhabiting the bunker had experienced what with all their combined night terrors) so something soft like what Dean had heard wouldn’t normally have travelled out into the corridors.

Looking in through the little gap he expected to find Cas perhaps in bed and hurting, or maybe on the floor.

What he didn’t expect was Cas to be standing by his bed, holding up his bath towel (which was pink!) with one hand, leaving it extremely loosely wrapped around his butt, while his other hand prodded around the vicinity of his crotch. Dean couldn’t see what he was doing and he was momentarily scared that there was something wrong with Cas’ dick. A man’s dong was important to him, after all.

But then he got a good look at Cas’ face, contorted in what could only be described as confused pleasure (which wasn’t a way Dean wanted to describe something sexual but there you had it, Cas always brought something new to the table that was for fucking sure).

His eyes were focused down at what he was doing, his pulse thumping so hard Dean could see it even from the door. His plump lips were slightly parted and as Dean watched Cas poked out his tongue to wet his lips sinuously slow. His hair was still a little damp from his apparently earlier shower and he had slicked it back, making it cling to his neck and just as he drew a sharp gasp and leaned his head back a clear drop of water broke free and travelled down his neck to his shoulder. Dean watched as if in trance how Cas’ Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowed.

Well damn, who knew Cas would look so erotic in the throes of passion?

Hang. The fuck. On.

Dean frowned at the scene before him. Was Cas really masturbating? And, _much more importantly_ , was Dean watching?

He felt his dick twitch when Cas’ fist around the towel jerked and hell no, _no_ , Dean wasn’t about to be a creep and watch his _best friend_ get off. Sure, he was interested and if the circumstances were diff—wait! He wasn’t interested at all and his dick could go to hell.

He took a step back, _very_ intent on closing the door, but Cas surprised him by sighing out Dean’s name and that was it. That was all it fucking took and now Dean was barging into the room and slamming the door behind him instead of going the other way.

Cas jerked and whipped his head around to stare at Dean with wide eyes.

“Dean.” He exclaimed and made a hiccupping sound when Dean all but barreled into him. A hiccupping sound that would forever haunt Dean’s wet dreams because holy fuck, this was _huge_.

“Cas.” He answered, voice levelled but tensely so. “What’s going on, buddy?”

They were standing so close, Dean gripping the arm Cas had pulled across himself to be able to hide behind the towel and he could feel how warm the former angel was, even with the dampness to his skin.

“Well, I was trying my hands at masturbation.”

Dean’s tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth when he restrained a nervous laughter. Leave it to Cas to be so straight-forward in such an embarrassing situation. Dean wasn’t even sure he had heard right.

“Come again?”

“No actually I haven’t even come once.”

Dean felt something tick at his temple. Maybe a vein, maybe his soul trying to escape, who could really tell?

“I meant,” he sighed, letting go of Cas’ arm to drag his hand down his face. “Why are you ‘trying your hand’? Didn’t you sleep with that bitch April?”

“Oh, yes.” Cas smiled as if the memory was a fond one and okay, losing his millennia old V-card had probably been nice but let’s not forget that she’d up and killed him, okay? Dean kind of wished she was still alive so he could kill her again. “But as I am new to human sensation I didn’t really need to masturbate to get myself hard that time.”

“Yeah… yeah, I suppose.” Dean mumbled, wondering why he felt both tired and a little aroused.

“Actually I haven’t thought much about it but when I was in the shower just now my penis got hard so I figured I would try it.”

Dean held up a hand to stop Cas and the man just looked attentively at him. “First of all, don’t call it penis, that’s just weird. At least use dick. And secondly, you could’ve just stayed in the shower and done it there.”

“Really? Where anyone could walk in? I’ve been made to believe this is a private matter?”

Well damn, Cas’ questioning face had always been cute to Dean. “I guess it is.” He muttered, thinking of all the times he’d spanked the monkey without a care about the bunker’s other inhabitants. Now that he thought about it, the door to the shower room didn’t even have a lock on it… “So okay, smart of you to go to your room instead but you forgot to close the door, bud.”

“Oh.” Cas looked at the now very firmly closed door and then gave Dean an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine, I mean you’re lucky it was me who walked by considering you said my name and all. I mean, that could have been _pretty_ awkward if Sam or Kev heard it, so…” he stared Cas down as the former angel just looked innocently at him. The moment dragged on and nope, Cas wasn’t raising to the bait. “Cas, _why_ were you saying _my_ name when you were freaking jerking off?” he only regretted a little bit how gritty his voice sounded because damn, this was a burning question and why hadn’t Cas acted at least a _bit_ embarrassed about that?

“Well,” Cas looked down as he adjusted the towel around his waist and of course Dean’s gaze followed because that towel was like a big pink neon sign and holy fucking hell, Cas was still hard. “That’s because I was thinking about you, Dean.” He looked up again, easily catching Dean’s incredulous stare. “When I touched myself.”

“You…”

“And I supposed I accidentally slipped up and said your name out loud? I’m sorry, I didn’t notice.” Cas looked contrite all of a sudden but Dean’s mind was too blown for him to process that. “I didn’t mean to be loud.”

“But you meant to think about me?” Dean squeaked in a decidedly unmanly way and Cas tilted his head to the side.

“Well, I’m not familiar with masturbation so I was thinking I should ask someone and you immediately came to mind. You’ve been very accommodating and helping me discover humanity so far.” Oh, okay. That… that actually sounded much more innocent than Dean had thought. And Dean wasn’t disappointed, shut the fuck up. “And also, when I started thinking about you helping me with this it felt much better. When I stroked my pe—dick, the sensations grew stronger when I imagined you in the room with me.” His eyes suddenly darkened and Dean was fucking man enough to admit that he was sweating like a nervous little fawn caught by the hunter’s barrel. “Like you are right now.”

“Is… is that so?”

Okay, _okay_ , time to cool the fuck down. Dean _had been_ accommodating and helpful and Cas was his best friend. There was no need to lose his cool just because Cas had kinda insinuated that masturbation felt better when he thought about Dean. Hell, he hadn’t insinuated shit, he had said it out loud, but even so Dean’s dick should calm down because this was obviously something that he should help Cas with.

 _Obviously_.

Maybe just give the guy some pointers. Maybe even give him consent to use Dean as spank bank material? No, no that was going too far. Or was it?

He looked into Cas’ incredibly blue eyes, still so vibrant even with the loss of his grace, and thought that there really was nothing he wouldn’t do for this man, no matter how weird. Because Cas was Cas and he had no basis on which to judge Dean, at least not about things like this.

“Okay.” Dean mumbled to himself, tongue darting out to wet his lips. “Yeah, okay.”

“Dean?”

“Get on the bed, Cas. And lose the towel.”

There wasn’t even a hint of hesitation in Cas’ movements and it was very clear to Dean that Cas wasn’t body-shy in the least. And why should he be? With that toned body, muscular thighs, and nicely shaped dick.

Okay, focus.

How the hell did Cas manage to stay so goddamn tanned? He wore bulky clothes most of the time, even now as a human. He should be pale as an albino and yet all Dean saw as Cas stretched out on the bed were miles and miles of golden skin.

 _Focus_.

“Okay, so, um, you’re really…” Dean watched as Cas’ dick twitched against the man’s hip. “You’re really hard there.”

Well fuck focusing, okay?

Cas placed one hand on his hip, thumbing the base of his dick. “Well I do have the object of my desire staring at me so I think that’s normal, don’t you?”

Dean swallowed with a click. “I guess…”

“I’m sorry Dean.” Cas was frowning when Dean looked up to meet his eyes. “I didn’t mean to objectify you, that was rude. But I want you to know that I find you incredibly aesthetically pleasing. I always have.”

“That’s fine, Cas.” Fuck, Dean needed to get his voice under control. He cleared his throat. “It’s a compliment, right?”

“Right.”

Holy hell, Dean couldn’t stop looking at Cas’ dick. Probably because it was his best friend’s dick and also Cas was a former angel so this whole endeavor seemed _more_ somehow. And fucking hell, Cas had just proclaimed all of his current arousal was because of Dean so that… that was definitely contributing to how Dean’s own dick twitched. But this wasn’t about him and his dick could shrivel up and die for all he was concerned (actually please don’t).

He practically stalked over to the bed when Cas had gotten comfortable, dragging a chair behind him so that he could sit by the bed. At first he placed it with the back to Cas so that he would be straddling it and could lean on the back but before he even sat down he realized what a mistake that would be. Yeah, better to flip the chair and sit on it normally so he could hunch over and hide what was the beginnings of a very formidable erection. Damnit, Dean couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been aroused by a man and of course it had to be Cas that brought that part of him back to the surface.

“Okay, so I see that Jimmy was circumcised like a good little choir boy.”

So here was the thing; even if Dean felt a bit bad about ogling he was about to show Cas how to enjoy masturbation and that was hard to do without looking so he was going to look. And enjoy because… well fuck, just look at the former angel. All perfect lines and smooth skin.

“Does that affect the sex?”

Dean snorted because _the_ sex made it sound so dorky. Cas was a dork. Such a sweet little—okay Dean had to stop looking so fondly at his friend, that shit could get misinterpreted.

“As someone who was cut before a _certain someone_ ,” cue hard stare at Cas who looked cluelessly up at Dean. “Healed all my wound and cuts, yes there’s a difference and no, it’s not bad. Both have great points but my point in bringing it up is that if you don’t have any foreskin to roll then stroking your dick can get dry and that chafes.” He stood to walk over to Cas’ nightstand, pulling out the drawer and rummaging around. “Usually we use lube or,” he held up his hand, puzzlement settling over him like an uncomfortable blanket. “Massage oil.” He muttered and looked down at Cas when he heard (more than saw) the former angel nod.

“Kevin gave me that.”

“ _Kevin_ gave you massage oil?” why didn’t that sit well with Dean? Nope, not gonna answer that. Skip! “Why?”

Cas shrugged and it looked wonky as hell because he was still lying on the bed like a good bo—skip!

“Because my muscles were sore, he said I could rub it in and it would help. He even offered to do it for me, which I thought was very considerate of him.”

Dean’s mind immediately flooded with images of scrawny little Kevin Tran wriggling all over an aroused Cas and he saw red because— _hard_ skip!

“So, uh, did you?”

“Did I what? Oh.” Cas smiled and thumbed his dick some more and how the fuck was he even still hard with all this talking going on? He must be really pent up poor guy… “No I could reach all my sore muscles on my own. But I honestly don’t know that the oil did much, it seemed the massaging was doing most of the work.”

Oh good, now Dean only had to imagine Cas touching himself, so much better. _So_ much better.

“The oil is kinda meant to facilitate the massaging.” He mumbled, sitting down on his chair again. “Unless it’s got some kind of heating properties.” A quick glance at the bottle told him that no, it didn’t. “But Cas, if you’re hurting you should have said something. To me.”

Cas looked at him with soft eyes. “It wasn’t that bad, Dean. And I know you have a lot going on with Sam, I didn’t want to pile on with my trivial aches.”

“Nothing trivial about sore muscles.” Dean muttered, eyes downcast and gloomy for reasons he was already mentally skipping. He looked up quickly enough when Cas prodded at his knee with his foot (legs deliciously spread because of it and damn, his balls were so _round_ ).

“I haven’t asked anyone to help me with something like this.” He was holding his dick so that it stood perpendicular to his body, almost as if he wanted Dean to just sink down on it…

“Well good.” Dean stated gruffly and tossed the bottle of massage oil onto the bed, thinking he was being ridiculous. Cas had already said he got harder when he thought about Dean while touching himself, how much more stroking did his ego need? This was about _Cas_ and Dean better start remembering that. “Now take some of that oil and use it on your dick, not too much because it’s runny.”

“Maybe I should have put the towel under my butt?”

Dean grinned at hearing Cas use the word _butt_ because that was way too cute for this. “Maybe but we can always wash the sheets so don’t worry about it.”

Cas hissed when he poured the oil directly onto his hard dick. As predicted (and even with the warning), he used too much and Dean’s eyes trailed the stray oil as it ran over Cas’ balls and down between his legs.

“It feels cold, I like it.”

Dean smiled. “Good for you, now spread it out.”

Cas clicked the bottle shut and disposed of it on the bed, where it rolled down to nestle against his ribs but he seemed uncaring about that. Instead he wrapped a hand around his dick and stroked it slowly, rubbing the oil in and gasping slightly.

“This… feels so much better.”

“Good.” Dean murmured, eyes transfixed on Cas’ long fingers wrapping around his whole length. “Do it slowly at first, really get the feel of it. That’s right.”

Cas spread his legs a little, digging his heels in as he kept to the pace Dean had set for him. Up all the way to rub his palm over the sensitive head, and down to press around the base, fingers splaying out to rub against his balls. His whole body moved with it, rolling slowly with the motion of his hand and fucking hell, his nipples looked so perky Dean was sure they could cut glass. He resolutely kept his eyes on Cas’ dick, though, fearing how he would react if he strayed too far and, say, caught sight of Cas’ no doubt flushed face.

He heard Cas gasping softly every now and then, though, and it was a particularly sharp gasp that brought him out of his trance. Fuck, he was supposed to give Cas pointers, not stare as if he was a teenager who’d discovered porn for the first time.

“You’re doing well.” He said in a low rasp and Cas fucking _moaned_. “Keep building the pace slow like this, feel the coil in your stomach.”

“I feel so hot, Dean. All over.”

“Yeah.” Dean answered in a hush, feeling like the inside of a toaster himself. “Touch your balls with your other hand. Yeah like that, pull on them a little.”

Cas arched his back sharply when he obeyed. “Dean!” he didn’t lower himself to the bed for several hard heartbeats. Fuck Dean was hard now, Cas was just too damn erotic like this. “That was… I…”

“Yeah, Cas.” Dean smiled at the man when Cas turned his head to look at him.

Shit, Cas looked so good. Good enough that Dean had done the right thing in not looking at his face at first because now he could barely look away. He realized with a startle that he wanted to kiss Cas, really badly. Preferably when Cas was coming. Fuck yeah, it would be so good to swallow all of Cas’ need in that moment. To own it for himself even for just a second.

“I want to touch lower.”

“Over your taint? Go for it, you do what you feel like with your own body, Cas.”

Cas bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, head thrown back as he bent his legs and pulled them up so that he could reach better. Dean couldn’t help himself and had to bend to the side so that he could look. He was only a (horny) man for fuck’s sake. Cas’ taint was rosy and looked so goddamn inviting that Dean subconsciously licked his lips.

“Do you do this, Dean?” Cas suddenly rasped and Dean jerked his head up only to find that Cas’ eyes were hooded and looked almost unseeing. “Touch yourself like this?”

Dean licked his lips again, nervous now but also so incredibly turned on. “Yeah.” He said hoarsely. “And sometime I touch my ass too. My–my hole.”

“Does that feel good?”

Fuck, why was Cas’ sincere curiosity so goddamn hot?

“I think so.” Dean’s dick jumped in his restricting jeans just thinking about it. “There’s the prostate in there and it feels really good to touch that. I don’t do it every time, though.”

Cas nodded. “I think I would like to speed up my strokes now.”

Dean’s eyes budged out. “Well fuck Cas, do it if you want to.”

Cas looked at Dean with smoldering eyes and yeah, Dean was going to have to jerk off, and soon. Best to just be honest about that and the air in Cas’ little room was anyhow too sated with desire and arousal for him to be denying it anymore.

“But you told me to go slow.”

“You like taking orders in bed, angel?” Dean growled but immediately stopped himself when Cas’ breathing hitched. He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I’m sorry, that was going too—”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” yes Dean was going too far? Fuck, Dean hoped that wasn’t true.

Cas was still staring at him with those burning eyes when Dean looked down at him. “Yes I like taking your orders.”

Dean’s mouth was _so dry_. “Speed up your hand.” He said gruffly. Cas’ whole body shuddered as he obeyed. “One hand between your legs, angel. The heel of your hand against your balls and your fingers pressing against your taint. There we go.”

In no time at all Cas was rocking between his own hands, his moans echoing throughout the room and bouncing inside Dean’s skull as pleasure thrummed through him at the mere sight of Cas riding his own sexual high.

And then suddenly Cas stilled all motion, his back bending and his legs twitching as he gritted his teeth. Dean stared, starved from the suddenly cessation of movement and with baited breath as Cas’ body convulsed and a big blob of precome blurted out, but nothing more.

Cas whined and his whole body shuddered as he relaxed down on the bed and started stroking his dick again.

“Were you gonna come, Cas?” Dean asked, his voice so strangled with arousal that he didn’t even recognize it. Cas nodded his head furiously, eyes squeezed shut. “Don’t wanna come without my permission?” Cas shook his head and Dean almost creamed his pants.

How in the fuck had this gone from innocently wanting to show Cas how to best enjoy self-loving to him directing Cas as the guy proceeded with giving porn stars a run for their money? Dean didn’t know and he supposed he didn’t have to. All he needed to do was stay by Cas’ side, urge him on, and watch, enraptured, as Cas approached the edge again, faster this time.

“Dean.” Cas whined again and the sound was too fucking hot to be true coming from the former angel.

“Fuck Cas, you’re gonna make me blow.” Dean groaned, palming his dick, completely unashamed now.

Cas’ eyes flew open and he stared at Dean with open desire even as his toes curled and he started fucking up into his hand.

“I want that.” He whispered hoarsely. “Let me see.”

Well shit, Dean wasn’t about to deny the guy something like that. He stood up and swiftly opened his jeans, pushing them down with his underwear, just far enough to spring his dick free. Cas moaned at the sight.

“Yeah,” Dean said gruffly, gripping his dick and started stroking immediately. “This is all for you, angel.”

“For me?”

“ _Because of_ you.” Dean licked his lips and took a step forward so that his legs hit the bed. Cas craned his neck as if he wanted to see better but he was clearly incapable of stopping his own movements and Dean thought that this would all be over soon, in the most delicious of ways. “Hadn’t thought to show you, want you to learn jerkin’ off.” He grunted when he thumbed the head on his way up.

“I want it, Dean.”

“Anything for you, Cas.” Dean was realizing with startling speed that that was true. Yes he was hard enough to hammer nails and seconds away from coming all over his best friend but he wouldn’t have stood up and jerked off if Cas hadn’t told him he wanted to see it. His needs weren’t that important, to be honest. But Cas’… Cas’ flushed face and panting breaths were fueling Dean’s very soul and he grunted deeply when he felt his orgasm build within him.

“Dean, I—oh.” Cas’ back arched sharply. “Oh!”

“Yeah Cas.” Fuck Dean was so aroused it made his throat close up. “Imma come all over you, okay? Want you to wait until you feel my hot come on your dick.”

“Dean!” Cas’ whole body shook, spasming beyond his control as he tried to hold back his orgasm with obvious difficulty and though Dean wanted to give Cas the fucking world at this moment he also reveled in the control Cas was giving him by obviously trying to obey.

“Holy shit, Cas.” Dean sighed contently, his orgasm washing over him like a warm blanket. His dick jumped in his hand and a pleasant chill went down his spine as he emptied all over Cas’ crotch and lower abdomen.

Cas let out a strangled sound and immediately shot all over himself and the bed, the arc of his money shot strangely beautiful to Dean’s lax mind.

He stood by the side of the bed for a moment, panting softly, before he all but collapsed down onto his chair. Cas surprised the shit out of Dean by laughing out loud and when he looked up he saw the former angel grinning up at the ceiling.

“I like masturbation.”

Dean blinked at Cas and then laughed himself, shaking his head fondly. “I think is was more like mutual masturbation.”

“Is that wrong?”

Dean looked fondly at Cas’ sincere face, hearing the underlying question there.

“No, no it’s awesome.”

Cas visibly relaxed back against the bed, smiling contently. “Good.”

“Though I suppose we missed the point a little, I was supposed to show you how to take care of yourself. If—when you’re alone.”

Cas shrugged in that awkward way again. “I think I understood the basics, I think I’ll be able to apply the technique myself next time, if needed.” He looked up, his eyes suddenly dark with intent again and a sly smile spreading on his lips. “As long as you don’t mind me revisiting this memory.”

Dean swallowed over a lump of fresh arousal. “I think it’s safe to say you won’t be the only one revisiting this memory.”

Cas nodded. “That’s good.”

“And if…” Dean leaned back, aiming to look cool as a cucumber even with his dick still hanging out of his pants. “I mean, we’re not _super_ young so maybe we’d forget details after a while. So, if necessary, we could… you know?”

Cas nodded again, solemn and clearly much better at looking unaffected than Dean was. “I think I could use a few reminders now and then.”

Dean smirked. “Don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“I never do.”

Dean’s heart thumped hard and he felt his whole body flush for an entirely different reason than arousal. Because Cas was naked and sated because of Dean, smiling a serene and fucking beautiful smile and yeah, Dean was so done with denying his feelin—skip!

 

 


End file.
